the problem is that even if say This Time he is totally innocent… it’s entirely his own fault that you might be suspicious – these are HIS consequences. Sadly he is an untrustworthy liar. It comes with the territory. There is much work that HE can do to regain trust, but it has to come from his side. He has to accept the facts as they are – he is a liar whose word is currently meaningless. Consequences!
My husband was an untrustworthy liar for the duration of his active addiction, i am learning to trust him again (still after 16 months) because he is able to prove his current honesty and because i can see the shame in him about his lies.
It is still not where it could be… i am always skeptical about what i hear. But i put it to the test and things ring true thus far.
As for cruel comments about your family … all part and parcel bc he knows they’re not keen on him probably. They see him being awful to you and he knows it. If he isolates you from then he can control you better and take better advantage of your kind nature.
Also… why does he allow his son to take drugs at your home? Yet another grotesque abuse of your hospitality. Surely drug use is something you would forbid under your roof – for a multitude of reasons? The sheer horror of my husband using that stuff here in my home is part of what tipped me into breakdown. It’s soo utterly wrong. He knew this and went ahead. Okay… part of my reason is we have kids (our youngest daughter was only 8 and our son 11).. and grandkids and there’s a huge safety risk in that… but it’s completely inappropriate and a total abuse of trust to take class a drugs into somebody’s home against their wishes. It even puts them potentially in breach of the law ffs. Sorry … it still makes me very angry ???? ????
Anyway… sorry to hear your dad is having a bad time too… you should be getting support from a loving partner at this time, not emotional abuse by someone who yes, is definitely behaving like a narcissist. As cocaine turns people into cold hearted narcissists, whether they genuinely suffer from that disorder if free from drugs.
x