I think the tests that you do without his knowledge will be the accurate ones Debbie, i have in the past done the same as you, also used the water hanging around in the drain of the shower my husband had, which was always positive too.
I read a post on a different thread from a guy called Jamesb, he’s in recovery, and what he wrote about how addicts see partners who dont use will provide clarity for you.
‘To reply to your current situation, him being angry at you all the time and going in other rooms etc.
You to him (well his addiction) right now are literally an obstacle, you’re in the way. Imagine he has a little voice in his head that is the addiction. That voice doesn’t like you. It tells him to avoid you because he cant use Infront of you. You want him to stop you are not okay with it. That voice (the addiction) in order to survive needs him to believe that using cocaine isn’t the problem, everything and everyone else is the problem. I know this because I used to do the exact same thing.
He will snap and tell you he needs someone to love him but in reality giving him affection and love right now will be near impossible because all he wants to do is be alone with his little voice and get on it. Even though deep down the real him knows that you aren’t the problem and that he is the one in the wrong his addiction wires his brain to genuinely believe that you are bad.
]This is because as an addict he will always play the victim, that’s a coping mechanism to bridge the 2 parts of him the decent part or the guy he was and the addicted side. Without that, when he wakes up the next day and he is back to feeling himself, he would be overridden with guilt for all the bad things he says and does due to his addiction so the outcome is that he feels a victim, he tells himself he’s the good guy and everyone wants from him. He tells himself the grief of losing his dad is why he gets on it. ( I did the exact same for years when losing my parents but the truth is after a while I wasn’t grieving, I was just an addict).
The bottom line is right now he is in full frontal denial.’
Its on the message someone called Navy started, called ‘Unhappy’ you might want to ask an addict in recovery how you should deal with this. He also gives advice on his post about how to challenge him in the right way.
Please take care of yourself – I know only to well how this eats you up, I went from 11st to 8st, not being able to eat and also nervous energy, my nervous system was fully on all the time! I’m tall, so 8st was skeletal!
x