I agree it’s the lies and how easily they come out of his mouth when I actually know the truth. Then there is the absolutely awful tirade of insults and I’m sitting there listening to them as he won’t let me say my piece and even if I do manage to get a word in they are not listened too and god forbid I say or do anything wrong it is repeatedly bought up and how everything is twisted around to be my fault even though he started it by taking coke or causing the argument. I think that while he is on it, the come down and then the craving are all just as bad. He stopped taking it for 7 weeks and I had my old husband back. This was after we had our last separation because I found out he had taken it and he wouldn’t talk and he left but in the end it was my fault!! And now yet another promise broken this week I found out yet again that he had taken it. I am slowly starting to think that I can’t carry on with this yo yo nasty life anymore. We are going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks and I’m pretty sure that it will be lovely as there is no way he will be able to get drugs where we are going and then when we get back and when another episode happens I am going to rethink my whole life. I like you have been a mentally strong person but I am beginning to lose all that and am so stressed because of everything. My kids hate him as they see how he is treating me which is very sad as they used to love him. He says when he takes it he isn’t harming anyone but is blind to see how he behaves. I wish I could record him and play it back when he is sober. I think he would be totally shocked. He comes from a good family and has a responsible job but weirdly his brother is also an ex coke addict and alcoholic and now divorced and living with his mum. Its awful how we have to be so suspicious and test and swab. I just want a normal life with a loving husband who isn’t broke all the time. Like you I don’t know how long he has been taking it but I think for the whole of the 4 years we have been together as I found it a few times before we married. I wish sometimes that we had never married as it would be so much easier to just walk away if or when I have too. Also like your wife he never admits to having a problem and won’t talk about it. I just wish I knew the whole truth as it would make things a lot easier instead of trying to second guess all the time and also like your wife he is so angry at me for trying to stop him from taking it and says I am controlling and he is not my prisoner. I believe they have to hit rock bottom which is what I thought had happened last time before they can admit to having a problem. I have attended several cocaineanonymous meetings online and it is ok to attend if it is an open meeting and it has helped to see things from an addicts point of view and they are all very helpful and friendly. I think it is incredibly hard for an addict to just stop on their own although on another thread on here there is one lovely lady whose husband has stopped on his own. its a nasty evil drug that hijacks their brain and consumes their lives and lives of their partners and families. Never in a million years did I think I would be in this situation especially in my 50’s. I look at friends in second marriages and partnerships and I envy how their life is so normal and happy. Sorry for rambling on and I really hope things get better for you x
