Hi, doing OK today thanks. Just things pop into my head and it just upsets me that he lied to me at the time. We are married nearly 4 years but together 14 years so it’s nearly half of our marriage. I always had a feeling he was lying about something I always had a feeling in my gut and even though I kept asking why he’s strange had he taken something he always said no and it sent me crazy. Now I know I was right and he told me I was right every single time I questioned him. I just don’t understand how an addict works so I cannot fathom why he thought it would be OK to lie. He did say it was killing him and there were times he was distant he said since when he did take it he didn’t want to come near me because he knew he was doing wrong.
We don’t have kids just the house so it would be easier to leave but this is my first relationship and I don’t know anything else so its always going to be hard to leave. He mentioned himself he’s going to stop drinking too as it triggered him and he said himself he’s hit rock bottom and excited to start a new chapter. It’s whether he actually is going to or not, because of course he has lied all of this time.
We spoke about testing and he said he will do whatever it takes so I have bought them this morning and I will do them every 2 days or so maybe. I just feel crushed at the fact this is my life. I’m still young only 31 and wonder if this is how I want to live my life but don’t want to run at the first hurdle as it could get better. But then don’t I deserve better too? Someone who wouldn’t lie to me.
He has young parents and grew up differently to me, his parents would have been partying and going out all the time and drinking loads is just a normal thing. Not that im making an excuse but I think he looks at drink and alcohol differently to I would.
I’m glad your husband is doing OK, how are you doing? I can’t remember if I asked this before if you didn’t have children would you have stayed? I asked a question on reddit and wish I didn’t, people are very judgemental.
Also yes I haven’t spoken to anyone yet, to be honest I feel embarrassed. Once you tell family that’s it, they know. I have a friend currently going through a separation as her husband was taking cocaine, messaging girls, was controlling etc and although our problem is just the cocaine and lying I still worry about the judgement.
I think end of the day he is telling me he has stopped as he doesn’t want to lose this relationship and hates the fact he was doing it. Also the lies and misery just like your husband. He said he was ready to pull his hair out at times.
I suppose there is no clear cut answer and no ones situation is the same, only I can decide what to do 🙁 xx