It is 3 am, and I woke again with memories. It comes sometimes in little bits and my mind kind of holds on and provides more alittle at a time. Recently I remember that years ago while on the coke, he wouldn’t look at me. And, when he did it seemed that he didn’t want to and maybe even he choose to not see me when he did. I would be looking at him and . . . this takes me to this memory – this one moment where he was telling me that he was ‘going out’. He’s not looking at me when he says it, but rather at the wall I guess. So, I ask him if I can come with him. He seems surprised by this question and slowly turns his head and looks at me. It was one of our weirdest moments. The look on his face and the way that I felt, which I’m still trying to figure out. It didn’t seem like it was him. So scary. All those years ago.
