Hi DD,
I’m so sorry for the pain you’re going through, I would advise you to start limiting access to money wherever you can, including your wife! Addicts don’t understand what is best for them they need help and sometimes the only way is to cut off the money supply. It will be horrible for a while, I went through some very scary times with my son. Once he got help, he went back to uni, has just finished his physics masters and I cannot believe how he turned his life around in the space of a year. He was too afraid to get help for many years, even tho I begged him, in the end he had to, he was desperate because he couldn’t get the weed anymore, or not enough. Withdrawal is horrible, scary, you have to be prepared for it. I think I described our experience last year on this thread. I also see another member of my extended family, alcoholic, being financially supported in her addiction and nothing changes… She is the same age as me and I think she will probably die soon, she has missed out on so much in her life, her addiction has been enabled and she hasn’t the strength to choose help.
I wish you the very best, get some help for yourself, read the info on this site, I have to say it was what helped me get my thoughts a bit more straight during that awful time.