Last night he told me that it wasn’t him. The coke took him over and the person he became was not him. So scary. Who was he then? I asked him again after waiting years for the answer to the question that I had asked so many times – and that he had avoided answering so many times. I knew the answer. I needed to hear him say it. How did he feel about me when he was using coke. That is the question that I needed to know all these years. Last night he told me. He told me that he didn’t care about me at all. I knew it, I felt it, I lived it, he just said it. It hurts. I needed to hear him say it. After years of being with him, being happy together, trying for many months to be pregnant, feeling so happy that we were expecting, then so overwhelmed with morning sickness, he was then emotionally and physically gone from me. I was alone and scared. I finally have his answer – decades later.
