Hey Bella pop and Navy .
Bella pop my situation is mines currently back at home and he’s promising me that he’s here to make me happy and give me a good life after everything he’s done , except Tuesday just gone “ it was there so I just did it – but I didn’t pick up “ oh that makes it better doesn’t it !!. We have a family holiday to go on and almost wishing it’s done because it’s the only promise left to the kids with him . I don’t know what to do though because once I start the ball rolling it doesn’t stop then . Somewhere in my tangled mind I think but maybe this is it when he promises me he’s done and if I don’t give him this chance what happens if I look back and he’s clean and I jumped ship .
I know deep down the answer and I’m sick of listening to myself – I’m still coming to terms with all this because it is exhausting and traumatic isn’t it !.
Bella pop mines just the same – he’s got a drop off and done it when I’ve gone out for a half an hour walk and my kids were in bed . I just can’t get over this is the same person I’ve been with for 15 years ,
Navy mine doesn’t get up in the morning a lot of the time but I thought that’s when he’s coming down . This is the whole problem I don’t know what’s real anymore in the relationship , day you day going’s on . I’m constantly watching him for ‘signs’ it’s mentally and soul destroying isn’t it .
The why can’t I leave I think it’s because we are not quite there yet .
If he was in recovery it would be different , but this isn’t recovery – he calls them relapses but the most he can go with out is 10 days and then he’s deceitful , sneaky , manipulating and just dam right lies .
I thank god for my kids – because i hold it together all for them but he’s damaging me massively that’s not to be overlooked 🙁 xx