James , What an insight . I’m glad you took the time to write that thank you very much , if I didn’t know who had wrote it – it could of come from my OH.
I hear what your saying and I feel
A little bit ashamed actually because I’m hoping for an instant fix ( even though I know that’s not at all realistic ). I’m just impatient, extremely tired and not at all trusting . It doesn’t help that he’s wanting to borrow money from our assets now to resolve the money issues he’s caused whilst taking that stuff ( gambling went hand in hand ) and I’ll be honest I can’t cope with anymore trouble on my head or being wound into something else after everything he’s put us through already .
part of me wants to support him and look after him – have him back the person we knew before this , but the other part can’t see a future with all the deceit and the constant ‘detective ‘ work and the finally nail will he fall properly and go back to the serious using and tricks the imposter that’s lived here for 2 years nearly .
Right now we are not even a proper couple just cohabiting , we often can’t discuss anything without all hell breaking loose and yes it sounds selfish – but Where’s my support, happiness and joy – I can’t have any because I recognise he can only deal with himself right now . . I can’t make any plans because I really don’t know where we are going to be any further than a weekend !. It’s hard , I wish it on no one . I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like from his side – I suppose I will never understand that .
James thanks again – it really helps to hear it from the other side even though it’s hard to swallow some of it .
Look after yourself – stay strong . Thanks for making a difference X