Hey 5yrsofhell, I so remember you! Its great to see you even though under difficult circumstances. I too had bleeding somewhere in my stomach a few years ago. They wanted me to go for an endoscopy but was too afraid and when I felt better I started again as has been the same pattern for so long.
I have also been on Prozac which unfortunately didn’t help with my addictions although it did help me with depression.
That unseen force driving you to a chemist is me to a T. And I have failed so many times. This time, it has to be different. I have a few reasons and bargains I have made myself that I cannot fail. I KNOW deep down I can be happy off them. I have to learn to manage the cravings if an when they arise. That is my fear too BUT I have put some plans in place to help myself. 1. I have someone who I met on here who I have promised to call if I feel I am falling.. I have never made a bargain like that before. It means I have to give myself some thinking time before I career like a lunatic to the pharmacy. 2. Being a woman of a certain age, I have asked the doctor for HRT as my habit has got much worse over the last few years and I think some of it might be menopausal. 3. I am practising imagining my life without my crutch and counting the blessings and money I am saving.
The other things I would do if it got too tricky would be to seek medical help for addiction. I have spent most of my life addicted to something including alcohol, amphetamines and for a period of time, heroin. NP is the one thing I have not been able to remove from my life. This time, they HAVE to go. I don’t want to live this way ever again.
I hope some of my ramblings help you a bit, but also stick around and soak up some of the support here.
Lastly, it is all in the mind to stop, then the work begins and it is the mind, body and soul that you will need to keep you off them. That doesn’t mean its always going to be a fight, but get your mind in the right place to start and then lean on us or anyone to get you through. Once you are through, help others.
Best wishes xx