March 2022 I started my recovery. I accepted I was a cocaine addict, I admitted and told my nearest and dearest what I was. A cokehead, manipulative and a liar (I told my parents, my brothers and their respective wives, my mother / sister in Laws and of course my blessed wife along with a few of my friends – maybe too many friends). Once I had accepted this was who I had become it felt as if the worries of the world had been lifted. It was now time to see the beauty that love and compassion had to offer. My words had no weight any more due to my previous actions and now it was time for action. Time for real change, visible change. My attitude to life became one of principles and values. One of being and reason. This shift only happened because I was ready. I don’t know how to describe it other than I feel truly blessed to type this to you all. I am one of the lucky few who had the chance to do this.
I see many families on this forum struggling, many users who are struggling and it is heart breaking yes. Only meaningful way I can see from my experience is you look within you, like really within you and ask yourself Do I really want to change?. I changed for me and me only. I knew by doing this that the world would get the best from me. If I changed for my wife then what would happen if we had an argument? I would only resort back to my old ways.
So here we are, 146 days on – my wife chairs the school charity and I help her out with activities related to this, I am my sons football teams coach, my work is back on track, my fitness is up, my wife no longer carries the load within the house and my 9 year old daughter (she’s my barometer to see if I’ve really changed, my 6 year old son would always think I’m his hero such is the nature of these relationships) and I have the best relationship we’ve ever had.
So what is the point of all of the above? I was a truly broken man end of Feb 2022, now I am unrecognisable and this is all truly possible. Michael Jackson Man in the Mirror, are you ready to make the change? Only you can answer this my friend, if you are there is a whole world waiting to see the best of you……..