Hi FaithNotFear, sorry for the late response. It has been quiet on this forum lately. We have been doing OK the past while, he has been taking the drug tests which have been positive and he has no problem taking them (although sometimes he can feel a bit offended). I believe that he hasn’t taken cocaine from he told me but sometimes it just hits me how much he lied to me and how long for. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to break up but there’s also another part that I don’t think is able to get over the betrayal.
We had been doing fine lately but yesterday it just hit me again and I’ve been feeling down about it since. I’ve been reading old posts from people on reddit and mumsnet and I’m not sure whether I’m just naive for staying in my situation or if those commenting are being harsh not having lived in the situation themselves.
We don’t have children, I’m sad he took cocaine for about 1.5 years without me knowing and lied to my face every time when I asked why he would come in acting strange sometimes (I thought it was drink never once thought cocaine). As we don’t have children we don’t have the stresses other families may have so not sure why he would start doing it.
Sometimes I think he sounds a little different coming in from work like before but the tests are always negative and he says he’s just wrecked (construction worker).
I suppose I’m just looking to vent my feelings as I don’t want to speak to friends and family over fear of being judged. I also think telling people will be the end of our relationship. I have a close friend who’s just ended her marriage due to other reasons but he was also taking cocaine without her knowing. She only told me this when she decided to end the marriage. I think because she has ended hers that it’s playing on my mind why I should stick around after having been lied to.
Husband hasn’t drank either from he came clean about the coke which shows he is being serious but I feel like I can be living on eggshells just waiting on the disappointment again even though he insists he will never lie to me again. Its just hard to know if he will tell me the truth, I’ve made it very clear that if he lies again that is it.
Is anyone else having a hard time at the thought of ending things?