Hi
My partners be doing it for the last 5 years. before that he had tried it on and off on nights out but it was never a problem it was just a bit of fun I use to do it years ago with him when we first got together but that was once in a blue moon. Then he started doing it more often because it’s so easy to get the guy comes round the house and drops it off so he didn’t feel he had to go out and meet someone on the street and risk getting caught. It got worse during lockdown we just moved house and then everything shut. He couldn’t go to the gym or play golf. He was still working through out the lockdowns but as soon as the weekend comes he was doing it every Friday. At one point he was spending £800 a month. We had just moved house paid off all our debts but now he’s got himself back into debt the last 2 years because he’s got worse at doing it.
Last year he got clean for 16 weeks finally I thought things were
Finally getting better he stopped drinking alcohol in that time as well which is good because that is a big trigger for him to then go and do coke.
So after 16 weeks of being sober he had an old friend contact him from school and it bought back bad memory’s and he said that triggered him to start doing it again and he also convinced himself that because he was clean for 16 weeks he could do it
Once and then be clean again. He had in his mind he could do
It every 3 months as a treat but he can’t do that because he’s an addict you can’t just do it and then stop again because the drug gets a hold of you and starts all the cravings again.
So he went and did it and then the next month he was back on
It and we were arguing so much and he convinced himself that I was cheating on him so while we had just had a big argument on the phone I hanged up
On him and so he decided that night to go sleep with someone else because I made him angry and in his head I was fucking someone else.
After a few days he came clean to me and told me he had
Cheated on me and that he felt so bad and couldn’t believe he had done it.
I was so heart broken because I never thought he would ever do that to me because my husband before the drugs took over would never of done that to me ????.
After that happened we have tried to rebuild and I’ve tried helping him but he is still using. He’s had a couple of weeks here and there where he’s not used and it’s the same old promises I won’t do it again or one last time or something happens at work
That triggers him or something that he thinks I’ve done triggers him so he goes Back to It.
It’s so draining I haven’t looked after myself I started smoking again because of stress so I’m trying to give that up at the moment and just eat healthy exercise and do some self care things.
I also dont have anyone to talk
To this about. I wouldn’t want to tell
My family because I’m embarrassed about it also I’m kind of protecting him because I wouldn’t want them to think badly of him and see him in a different way.
I have spoken to my friend briefly about it in the past but never told
Her the true extent of it again just embarrassed that this is my life right now.
Sorry for the long reply
How long has your partner been doing it? Is it weekend thing or more
Hope you take time to look after yourself as well