Hi everyone – I don’t know if any codeine recoverers use this page any more but I wanted to come on here to introduce myself just in case. I’m a week off of 42 and have abused codeine for 10 years now. I’ve got my life in order- I’m finally happy after an abusive childhood led me to make terrible life choices, so I couldn’t in good faith keep abusing this drug any more. It’s been a source of deep shame and secrecy for me and I’m sick of living like that. I’m in love and loved by an amazing man who doesn’t know this about me and that is enough for me to end it for good.
I’ve never quit for longer than a few weeks before- I go through the hideous withdrawals and then sort of think ‘ahh well I proved I could do it, so now I can use them again.’ Ffs. Today is day 3 and I’ve chosen this week because my partner is away on holiday with his son and work is quiet. In fact, I now have three days off and have taken myself camping in my little van and, for the first time in YEARS, I’ve come away without any codeine. I didn’t even want to pack any. I feel very emotional- I’m grieving I think, because ten years is a long time to depend on anything. I feel proud of myself and yeah, so I ache and my nose is running and I’m tired and I didn’t sleep well- so what? I’ve had worse in my life. That’s how I’m looking at it now. I don’t fear the CT withdrawals like I used to. I don’t want to give them my power. I’ve got yoga and movies and books and my journal. I’ve got the tools I need.
So hi- I’m Emily and I’m an addict. And I’m done with this awful drug now. I want to live my beautiful life without being dragged down by the constant desire to use, or being pulled towards chemists I feel ashamed to visit.
Sending everyone in the same boat love and healing energy.