Hi ssw, so sorry to hear your story, you must be totally in shock. My story’s similar in some ways although I found out sooner initially but he has then repeatedly had slip ups (one night of vanishing, no contact, then lots of remorse) and two major relapses in the last 5 years. In between I have had varying degrees of anxiety waiting/hoping it’s not going to happen again. I totally relate to the horrible gaslighting nasty attitude you get and the lies – awful! Whilst you know it’s the drugs making them like that it does become increasingly hard to forgive and forget, and the longer that behaviour goes on in my experience, the more of an impact it has on you and your well-being – I don’t know if I’ll be able to get past the last relapse and I’ve asked him to move out while we try and sort things although now feel terrible and unsupportive so who knows.
I would say he definitely should get professional help. Daily use for that length of time will be very hard to stop long term. Great news that he’s made the first step though and is making some positive changes with his job – it is literally everywhere though unfortunately – very hard to avoid. My partner has tried to do it on his own and has had success for short periods by avoiding everything and staying home, me having his bank card etc but long term they need to address the deeper issues which is what I hope he will do now. Cocaine Anonymous are great and have a number he could call for advice as well as meetings, Narcotics Anonymous also an option. I have come to the conclusion that going to the meetings and doing the ‘steps’ to recovery is essential to keep off it so I’m insisting on that this time before I even think about him moving back in.
We’ve got kids too so totally get it’s much more complicated. Have you thought about talking to someone yourself about how it’s impacted you? It’s a lot to deal with. Adfam and Icarus Trust have support for families.
Sending positive vibes your way xx