Hi ssw, sounds similar with the family situation – maybe that’s part of the reason they end up doing it in the first place cos they don’t have that family support (although lots of people do and still end up on it). He had nowhere to go but luckily found somewhere which is ok and seems he can stay for a while. I guess they are more resourceful than we think when they have to be. He actually slept in his car at the end of the road for about a week in the past though and the neighbours took him out coffee – but embarrassing really but I’ve moved now thankfully lol. I feel better in some ways as no more constant anxiety and wondering if I’m being lied to, but in other ways i feel terrible cos I think should I have given him more of a chance to sort himself out – but I’ve been here before and I guess I just got to a point where I couldn’t go through it with him again – I hope I’m doing the right thing and I think if he wants to stop long term he needs to do it himself without me setting lots of rules and taking his bank card etc…
As far as I know he has never cheated and I’ve never seen any evidence of messaging girls – he’s all about the drugs once he’s on it so would imagine the only reason he’d be thinking of messaging girls would be if they had something he wanted like a place to stay or more drugs…. I can’t say hand on heart he never has because he has lied about so many other things. If I found out he did though I think that would be it as I couldn’t deal with that on top of everything else….it may be because of the drugs but it still happened – I think they think that everything that happens while they are drinking/on drugs should immediately be forgotten once they stop but it’s just not that easy is it….
As much as you want to help I think you have to look after yourself first…it’s taken me almost 6 years of ups and downs and relapses to get to a point where I just can’t do it again though.
I would be very reluctant to just hope for the best he can do it without some professional help tbh but that’s just base on my personal experience.
Xx