I can see a big black hole that I am clinging to the sides off desperate to avoid falling in to it.My hubby has to have further surgery (he had a kidney removed a while ago)which is scheduled for Thursday.I am more than afraid,he is a good bit older than me ,so no spring chicken,but he is my rock. I have a reel running through the back of my mind that will not stop.How will I live without him if the worst happens etc etc… I know it is irrational but that does not make it go away.The things I have previously used and abused to get me through hard times are gone.I want to keep it that way,but truly I do not know how to get through.
My lovely grown up Gdaughter is coming to stay with me which will be a massive incentive to stay clean but the fear of falling is so very real.