Hi, total coward!!??
You have reached out, outside your box, and that’s a good sign, there’s always hope.
Admission of being a prick is self awareness that’s an acceptance of coke f##g with your head and inevitably with everything thing in your life.
Addiction wants the person to feel like a coward, a coward knows fear, once you acknowledge the fear, (understand it) you can overcome it. Knowledge is power and you do have the strength within you to stop hating yourself and go to some local meetings where you’ll find other addict who want to no longer feel as you do now. Things do get better, life isn’t easy, kicking the Addiction isn’t easy, but any day without a drink or drug is bound to end better than with. Hence it gets better. Hope and faith and goodwill to you..