Gemz, a pleasure to respond however I bet you wish it wasn’t under these circumstances
So….you’ve tipped a bag down the toilet, wow….the old me would’ve gone stuck my hand down the toilet and tried to ressurect it somehow, the old me would’ve been sniffing the floor for any crumbs so you know what…WELL DONE!!!
Thats quite a big step to take and you may look at this as your turning point. Recovering addicts all do.
Don’t be ashamed of yourself, the drug does that, we all have a choice but the enticement is too strong until…..you say enough is enough and you begin to regain your life
Yes – the many times I tried to quit normal life seemed dull, nothing excited me more than a great big slug, nothing seemed the same….then I quit 6 months ago.
Coke numbs your emotions so even though you recieve natural positive energy back (ie watching a comedy show, love from your kids, partner, family, friends, a new car, watching your team score a goal, watching a great film or whatever you’re into) you won’t be able to process it. The drug does this and tricks you into thinking only a line or a bag will give you eternal happiness. What an utter load of nonsense this is. This is the internal beast within your mind playing, literally playing with you encouraging you to ring that dealer, do it, do it, tempting you like a waste of space this internal beast is. Remember what life was like before coke? Maybe you don’t but I bet you smiled, had jokes and generally enjoyed life.
Now this is where it gets interesting, give the spirit within you some air, let it express itself, its been hiding for far too long get quashed by the beast. The spirit because its been hidden or ignored for so long during the first few days of the comedown won’t seem like much. Make it your mantra that today is the day I don’t take coke. One day at a time, let the spirt wrestle back control just a little. The beast will kid you, nah mate, you’re all mine, you’ll comeback to me eventually, you always do you pathetic cretin. This is literally what the beast is saying a few days in.
You get to choose, you really do, just have some faith my friend. The spirt within a few weeks (I know this sounds horrendous right now) will start to get stronger like a muscle, the beast coming at you stronger and stronger. Watch this an observer playing out over and over in your mind – you’ll get clarity this way.
A few weeks in, the world WILL look different. You’ll start to tentatively smile, laugh and perhaps feel a little love and maybe will be able to give some genuine love back. More you give back more you’ll get back. Before you may have received it but it didn’t register. Now as the shackles are slowly starting to come off, you’ll feel more.
I’m now 6 months in and I get chemical hits all day from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep. No more thinking of how do I get through tomorrow, no more dealer drops, dodgy exchanges on backstreet corners with the dealer looking at me like the waste of space I was having not slept for 3 or 4 days. No more lies (oh gawd the lies, they became exhausting but the beast just said to me lets keep lying, everyones so stupid, you the man, lets sniff sniff sniff!!!), no more missed meals with my blessed wifey and kids. I’m now in the room, in this world as a man to serve a purpose, a man on mission to carry his load and to make my families shoulders that much lighter.
So…..you have a choice my dear friend…..be strong, have faith and courage and go forth. See the drama within you playing out, don’t ignore the beast, respect it, acknowledge it and then just 😉 at it and say, not today bruv, not today….the days roll into weeks, weeks into months and although I am not blessed to say I am into years as tomorrow is never promised but by heck I’m going to try
Keep well 🙂