I can understand your feeling of being fed up. The best advice I can offer is not to focus on Why he does it to himself and until he figures that out you will never know, but to focus on you, how you’re feeling f and how it all makes you feel. What can you do for yourself right now to help yourself feel better. Thinking of you in this hard time and rest assured you’re not alone, use this to vent if you need to or whatever you need.
I’m here to just listen if that’s what you need