Hi Lece13
Any mind numbing / changing substance (alcohol included) has the ability to change the neurological pathways within our brains. So ie the risk reward system is altered to such an extent that you can’t see the damage you are causing. Also to the point of how you’re negative behaviour is being rewarded internally. I also refer to this is as Beast v Spirit.
We all know what sane individuals who have loved behave like. Once the substance of choice takes control it then alters this person perception of what is acceptable or not. Like for example I now perceive my previous behaviour as downright deplorable and completely unacceptable. Back then I was still me in the same body however because the substance had taken hold I couldn’t see the truth of my behaviour until I had my epiphany. The reality then became all so clear. I was using because I was actually broken inside and looked to blame external circumstances for my ill conceived choices.
When I talk of emotions being numbed the person taking such substances doesn’t feel what we would normally do. Like now I know I didn’t give my children their best Dad, now it seems it like such behaviour would be completely alien.
Also emotions – there’s a lot to be said about giving good vibes off which you receive back. I wasn’t able to register any positive vibes other than that found in a line of coke. I had forgotten how to love and what love looked like.
Once you see the beauty in the world you receive positive emotions back all day from the moment you wake up to the moment you sleep. It’s all about tuning into the right wavelength or frequency of emotion, once you get that right, life is more amazing than you could ever imagine.
When he turns up seemingly normal there is a struggle internally as he knows yesterdays behaviour was unacceptable but he can’t face the truth so just behaves normally to get over what he should be facing.