In no uncertain terms YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT.
Your nagging, arguing, throwing him out is as a result of HIS ACTIONS. Sorry for the block caps but the responsibility for all of this lies with him. Every action has a reaction, his actions have been negative so as a result your reaction has been negative. If his actions are rewarded positively by you he will never learn and continue on this ill path.
He is to some degree aware of right from wrong hence the short term normal behaviour so he can brush his previous negative actions under the carpet. I used to do the same, when I had been up all night sniffing while my beautiful family slept upstairs and my wife would come down in the morning I’d act like I had slept and all was normal. I’d do the usual normal morning routine (I’d even drive to the gym and log in so there was a record of me going to the gym – of course all I did was log in and come straight back out!).
I’d even sit there on my laptop pretending to work when she came downstairs. There were so many things I did that appeared normal but overtime my behaviour became more and more bizarre which then fuelled my wife’s behaviour towards me.
Now when I reflect, how else did I expect her to respond? I was simply taking the absolute mickey out of my wife’s love towards me. I was playing an evil game of seeing how much I could get away with, that’s no way for a man to behave.
Your points about numbness are spot on which is the point I’ve been trying to across.
Love can blind individuals and don’t be blinded by your man’s choices, he made them and now he has suffer the consequences. You can only help those who want to be helped and they have to accept they have a problem, not you…