Hi Missx
My rock bottom was very personal in that missing my son’s first football match aged 6 (he’s still 6 btw!) after having supported him through training hurt more than words can describe. I was away with a bottle of whiskey and bags of cocaine. I never thought my selfish ways would ever effect my children. I’ve always doted on them but it made me realise over the past couple of years as my intake increased how much I was there for them but not really, I was only there in body not spirit.
Your support as well intentioned as it is acts as a safety net for him. I faked mental health for my irrational behaviour, even taking anti-depressants for 6 months (what a doucebag I know!).
My comedowns weren’t enough for me to stop, whats the saying, you can’t comedown if you carry on which is exactly what I did.
What you do with your support is up to you but I know full well that an individual as to really want to change within. If that means you leave them to it until they reach the depths of despair so they are responsible for their actions then thats up to you. Of course the danger here is you basically leave them for dead as they up their substance abuse, I can’t make that call.
I just knew that in reality no one was left to save me but me. Call it luck, call it intuition but I knew I deserved a better me. Through this the world would see the best version of me.
You walking away might just be the wake up call he needs but again only for you to judge. Whilst he’s pinning his hopes on detox he needs to feel, like really feel that he wants to change, thats the biggest advice I can give. He needs to dream, dream big of a life without any mind altering substance (alcohol included) and imagine whats possible then work backwards in baby steps to see how he achieves this.
I can’t imagine what it’s like being clean for 10 years and then relapsing. For me even a 0% beer is a sign I’m slipping. He must remind himself of what life was like during that period (look at photos, relive memories etc). The pull of coke is strong and hijacks your brain. I hope he didn’t live 10 years of a miserable existence while always craving coke.
Key to my recovery is my life looks completely different to that of when I was using. I can’t do half the things I do now if I was on it hence why there is no going back. My wife expects a certain type of hubby now, my kids expect a Daddy who is always in the moment, my family expect the cheery life and soul of a man that I am, the kids I coach football to expect me to be on form etc.
Might be worth revisiting some of my posts to gain additional insight.
Cruel to be kind might be a phrase you might want to let sink in. We all have it within us, it just depends on how much you want it