Ask me anything you like, I’m always happy to talk, if nothing else came out of what I went through other than being able to offer a few words of support to others it’s something positive! Try not to keep beating yourself up over timelines & thinking about what if’s & whens – you can drive yourself silly with it! Although I know it’s hard not to as everything starts falling in to place & the odd behaviour starts making sense, but then you’ll start unpicking the lies & questioning everything & it will consume you. It’s so hard though as you just want to understand! Why and how could they do this? Chose that stuff over you, your relationship, family, home – but it’s the drug – it’s an addiction and they would never chose it for themselves – it just slowly creeps in & takes over & convinces them they are having the time of their lives, that they need it to get through a day – to feel normal, to survive – and anyone that gets in the way of that is a nag, a pain, a bind, a hassle they don’t need. I found with my ex that he actually behaved more normally when he was actually on it at times! The comedowns were horrific & he was vile & nasty or sleeping for 18 hours – when the big benders started he’d be on it for 3 days before he’d eventually crash – in that time he’d be sleeping with prostitutes, messaging girls (many of who I knew!!) driving around getting up to all sorts with unscrupulous characters – it was horrific, the man I knew would never have dreamed of behaving like that. He also was doing it at work – got away with it for the best part of a year before it finally spiralled out of control. He tried to hide everything by telling everyone he’d got mental health issues (obviously all caused by me!!!) & that’s how he got away with it for a long time after. The lies he told people about me were horrendous – I just could not believe how he could turn on me like that to save his own skin when all I had ever done was love him to the ends of the earth – we had a lovely relationship! We never even used to argue!! After I ended the relationship I said I was always be there to help & support him once he decided to get professional help. He ended up seeing a councillor & doctor but didn’t tell them about the drugs & told me one day that they had both told him reason for all of his behaviour & mental health issues was because I was emotionally abusing him!!! That was the last straw for me – after the living hell he’d put me through I’d had enough & I didn’t speak to him again for 12 months after that. I was broken. I was mourning the death of the man I thought I was going to marry, deal with being cheated on & lied to for a year, being mentally abused myself by him trying to make me think I was crazy & cope with all the lies he’d told everyone about me yet I was still so desperately sad for him. I still loved him. He’d ruined his life by basically being naive & not realising what that stuff could actually do & how it takes over your entire existence. His poor parents were beside themselves & his behaviour obviously worsened in that year – he had his vehicle sized, lost his job, had several car accidents, physical accidents, convinced himself people were following him round/stalking him & had it in for him – non of which were his fault of course (and nothing to do with the drugs obviously- he was just REALLY unlucky!) I ended up on anti-depressants myself for a short while after the break up – it was the most horrific thing I have ever been through (there’s so much more but I won’t bore you with the details) That was not going to be my life & I knew how it would pan out for him & I was right. Once the trust is broken I don’t think you can ever truly get it back & to this day I don’t believe a word that comes out his mouth. Addicts lie & are master manipulators. He got a new girlfriend a few months after me, wreaked havoc in her & her families life (her sister messaged me out of desperation as she said he was tearing their family apart & wanted to know the truth about him as obviously he’d spun them a load of lies) I saw him just after Xmas this year parked in a lay by after not speaking to him for a year & I knew why he was there – I got in his car & he looked like death – he was in the middle of one of his 3 day benders, it was so, so sad but it just confirmed I made the right decision the year previous. He openly talked about the drugs so at least he knew there was an element of that casing the problems in his life but still no real acknowledgment that being an addict WAS the problem. I begged him to go home to his parents & talked about a lot but mainly just found out that his life had been a circus ever since we split. (He had done stints of being clean from what I could gather) I had a few chats with him after that to make sure he was okay but I said something he didn’t like one day & made a really nasty personal comment & I just thought why the hell am I STILL being nice to this person? STILL trying to support him after he absolutely destroyed every last part of me. Nearly ruined my life, took my confidence, self worth, lost our home, his dog (that was basically mine), my ability to trust anyone or myself, I was left with ptsd & to top it all off got the blame for it all!! (Obviously everyone knows the truth now – time Is the teller of all truths but it didn’t help at the time!) That gave me the closure I think I needed really but I’ll never 100% get over it. It’s the most traumatic thing I have ever been put through. Hence why I still come on here. I still feel sad about it, about him, I still love that man I was with before that stuff took him but I don’t ever think he’ll be right again now & I was not willing to put myself through a lifetime of that for ‘love’. I had to love myself more & get out – I didn’t not deserve any of that. Present day – I’m really, really happy – it took me a lot to rebuild my life but I now live in my dream home in the middle of nowhere with my little dog & my horses, have the most amazing & supportive family & friends, have a lovely boyfriend of which I do NORMAL things with like go on holiday and actually spend quality time together and have fun! You don’t realise how not normal your relationship with an addict actually becomes until you meet someone else – even just getting taken out for a meal & having someone WANT to spend time with me instead of avoid me & make me feel like I’m an inconvenience was totally foreign to me. The IS light at the end of the tunnel & it will get better & easier, I know it doesn’t feel like it but he’s done you a favour by breaking things off – take your golden ticket & run. Please think of yourself and take care xx
