Bluestar. My heart hurts for you , sending you a huge squeeze – I’ve been there not so long ago . I’ve just walked away from my 15 year relationship , married for 7 , we have two small children , and our beautiful forever family home has just been sold because of him and his destructive choices. .
I’ll try a Short version Dec 2020 I found out my OH was using cocaine , he blagged me it was recreational?! ( lockdown ?! I think not ) and I kept this hideous soul destroying secret to my complete self until sept 2021. During this time my OH deteriorated more and I realised end of 21 he was using every day whilst at work , at nights just sat at home whilst our children slept, dealers vining yo our home and me unaware !! . I sat him down too numerous times thinking I could help him and we could solve this , but my once best friend who I could talk to for hours , my caring husband – hero of a daddy slowly began to leave .
He stopped getting up for work, he sometimes didn’t come home and would go binging in hotels for days on end . He stopped helping me around the house or being apart of the childrens day to day lives . It started to eat away at me – the resentment , the loneliness. But the lies and the times he turned the story on its head leaving me at fault – I was traumatised.
During the 18 months of merry go round hell , I’ve just about managed to hold down my job without anyone knowing but I buckled in March finally and told his family . They were gutted but I don’t think at the time they realised this Stuff had taken their loving , fun son away.
Over the last 6 months he disappearing mid week and not coming back till end of week then crashing all weekend only to give in on a Monday and start all over again . 7 weeks ago we went on a family holiday , the day after we got back he disappeared for the final time for 4 days – this time I refused to let him back and finished it .
Since then he’s a nightmare – got worse Infact but the difference is I don’t have his chaos ruling me and my children under our own roof. Some times we don’t hear from him for days , then he comes to the house all attentive and emotional ready to quit but literally can’t go more than 6 days off it . He will then binge go out living his best life ( telling everyone that we have split because I won’t let him go out – absolute c r a p) and only come back to see the kids when reality starts to set in so he takes more and we do it all again .
I’ve not had a proper rest in 7 weeks , he rarely asks how the kids are and has no interest if we are ok for money , good etc- absolutely emotionless and no f3cks given .
When he comes round ( I won’t let him drive kids as always positive on tests )he hangs around the house because he can with it being his too but when we leave before Xmas to go to new house I won’t be letting him “ hang out “ at ours . I honestly thought me and our children leaving him behind might of brought him round , but it has not 🙁 It’s going to hurt Bluestar, it’s a
Big old long road – but my advice , walk away … I’m sorry but your OH has been lost to this devils drug too . Look after yourself babe and start to plan . You can and will do this .
Emma- your sum up , I can only wish for your ending to happen to me one day.. I’ve been sad a
For too long .enjoy every moment of your fresh start – love to read a positive outcome story xxx