My heart bleeds for you, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It was the worst time of my life and I had the luxury of being able to walk away without marriage or children being involved. Please stay strong, it will get better.
In reply to your question – I think about him every day and it’s been nearly two years. And I still love the man he was very much. But he’s gone – that person will never come back – not the way he was & even if he did, the lies, deceit, the horrors he put me through- I’d never get over it regardless. I separate the two people – the man he was – I mourned, that person I was with died & I feel sadness, sorrow towards him & his family. The man walking around in his body now – I feel nothing towards other that pity. That person is not who I knew & he’s not a nice man. Put the drugs aside & take away that element/excuse – would you accept that kind of behaviour from a husband? Is that how you saw your future – being treated like that? No, it’s wrong, you deserve better & you need to try and move on. Have you considered any kind of counselling/going to the doctor? X