Hi Elf73
Yes, the common threads amongst the various life stories is slightly disconcerting. However it does make it slightly easier to deal with.
The fact that you say he knows you know and is trying harder is a good sign. He just hasn’t that lightbulb moment that cocaine is very short term (in many different senses!). I remember when my wife basically told me to go away for the night and clear my head I was quite excited really, it meant I could do what I wanted…except really I wanted to be normal. This was literally the final days of my sniffing / drinking escapades. What would’ve happened if she had just tried to carry on as normal? Who knows…
One thing is for certain, those few days I tried to mask me being away from my family by drinking more and sniffing more. I had more bags than Pablo Escobar but yet I had this desire to just be at home and I knew I was done with it. This is the effect of consequence, every action I took had a reaction within me. The more evil I consumed the greater the pull of the good. I see it now as a battle of good v bad, I was blessed the good won.
Now it isn’t for me to tell you what to do and as you say you could make it worse but what’s the alternative? He has to know his behaviour is not acceptable and he has to stop for him, not for you or your love else he’ll always be at risk of relapsing.
You say you’ve read many posts and hopefully you’ve come across my posts before. His emotions are cold and without rationale due to the drug. That’s just what it does and exploits the deepest darkest parts of your very being. It’s down to him to figure out what side he wants to be on, the Beast or the Spirit?