Thank you for your kind words about my recovery, some good has to come out of my experience and it’s only right I try and serve as best I can.
You mention he wants to be normal, I know exactly how this feels. I used to look at people just walking, sat at home through their lounge windows (I wasn’t literally staring through peoples windows for clarity!) just relaxing and enjoying watching TV, people at the park (I even did a line behind the bushes while my kids played at the park, how mad is that?!) etc and I just wanted to be content.
Without the coke I felt void of life, nothing would excite me and everything (even washing the dishes) felt like such hard work. The hardest work were the come downs but in reality I’d learnt nothing just to it all again a few days later.
The breakthrough was really when I was tired of it all. It does appear your partner is seeing the effect this is having on him and he no longer wants to continue. I was on this path for about a year, wanting to stop but just not enough.
It’s sad but often severe consequences are required to stop. When I was heavily on it I almost wanted a medical episode to happen to make me stop.
I was lucky, I still have everything and have come out of this (hopefully) a better man. Coke attracted me due it being a middle upper class drug and I was confident I’d never move onto even harder drugs so in reality I knew that if I could conquer this then the world was waiting for me. I mention this because you are afraid of what he might do if you left him. Truth is no one knows, not even him but you taking severe action might just be the wake up call.
You mention the signs, I was doing the exactly same. Pretending and faking my out of it, it became a sad twisted game I was playing with my blessed wife. I never really got angry though as I always knew deep down somewhere this was all my own doing.
Btw ask anything and I’ll try to respond in the most authentic way possible.