Morning MJDU
You sound as if you are already starting to get things in place for you and your girls. The IFA, your friends and family are being supportive and that’s a good thing to know you’ve got that network around you. They obviously have your back.
Your feelings towards your wife won’t switch off over night. You can’t beat yourself up over that, as it’s a natural part of the grieving process. You are grieving. You also love and care for her and we want to fix the pain for those we care about. They have to do it themselves though. My experience of being with someone who took cocaine was they lost empathy towards to me. They couldn’t recognise when they hurt me, it was about how they felt. Unfortunately anything they perceive as being a negative can make them feel it’s a negative comment or thought directed at them. Until your wife recognises and addresses the root cause of her pain, she’ll mask it by using other things that damage her and her family.
You are not a mug, nor stupid nor a cash cow. You are someone who loves his wife and wants to help her.
No one can predict the future, it’s easy to say don’t think about it because we can’t see into a magic ball, but I know that is easier said than done.
I’m reading A Path through the Jungle by Prof Steve Peters. It tells you how the brain works, and how our thoughts can sabotage our own sense of reasoning. It’s really easy to understand and a relatable read. It’s helped me massively understand why I act and react in the way I do. Even if you get the book and never read it, it you can use it to stop a table wobbling.
You sound as if you’ve done more to get things back on track than you give yourself credit for. You are doing a great job, and remember to take care of you too.