Hi onlyme, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us.
20yrs is a long time to put up with a loved one with a drink problem/addiction. You must still care/love him to have stayed in the marriage despite the drinking issues.
I’m no expert but I think you need to tell him that you’re not willing to put up with it any longer. Let him know you’ll support him if he wants help to stop. Unfortunately you can’t make him go to AA, he has to make this choice himself.
Adfam homepage offer advice for families – also Drugfam and Icarus trust offer counselling services too.
My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions, but is currently 15mths clean thankfully. He reached the point where he was about to lose everything and everybody he cared about. These groups are the only thing that works for him.
Look after your own health and well-being and family.
Take care
Lx ❤️