Emma123 – I know from reading many stories here that I indeed got a golden ticket, but sometimes it’s still hard to believe that our relationship ends up here. He showed up last week to pack some of his things from our apartment, and we talked for a bit. What hurts me was that that day he looks to be not under any influence, so much like his old self, but he was still so determined of leaving me. That makes me wonder if it was the drug that he’s leaving me for.. or is it something else like he fell for someone else? He just kept saying that he cannot be a partner right now and that he doesn’t know what he want.. so again I don’t know what I lost our relationship to. And that sometimes makes me feel like perhaps I am/was a bad partner..
It’s strange how life is sometimes – as I’m hurting over losing this relationship, life seems to be going well for him. He’s getting promotion and pay raise at work, so hard to believe given how he’s been using daily and how little sleep he’s getting, I would think his work performance must be declining and his boss has to notice somehow. If rock bottom is what he needs to get out of this, this almost seems like it’s going in the opposite direction.. This is such a strange feeling that I don’t know to wish him good or bad – usually getting job promotion is a great news that I should be happy for him, but somehow now I’m feeling like it’s a bad thing and then I feel bad for feeling this way.
I will try to not think about timeline and all the what-ifs like you advised, I know that some things are better not knowing. And some things I may just want to keep wondering until I forget about them one day, rather than finding out the hurtful truth. I just have to convince myself. I hope not too far in the future I’ll be where you are and looking back at this I will be glad that I took the golden ticket, even if it’s not really my choice. Thanks for sharing your encouraging story!