It’s definitely not your fault Navy. We’re all here because we are trying to find out more about addiction so that we can help our loved ones, desperately trying to save them even when we’ve been treated so badly. Even if it was true that my partner that unhappy with me he could have left any time.
It’s not us that’s the problem though. I really think, as far as coke is concerned, it just starts as something to try – there are so many people doing it and it’s glamourised so much – a middle class drug. They try it and its makes them feel great, gives them a confidence they never had and they feel more sociable. They just love the feeling at first. They then take it more and more and without it everything and everyone just seems boring or gets in the way of them taking it. That’s why they end up blaming us or at least making us feel like it’s us. Doing normal things like eating dinner, watching TV, having a quiet drink at the pub… its all boring now because the drug makes them feel like that.
I went through so many emotions at first and I’ve spent months thinking it was my fault and I was too boring or not paying him enough attention. I know now though, especially from reading these forums, that it’s nobody’s fault but theirs.
I know its easy to fall into addiction and I know its hard to get out of. He (and anyone else suffering) has my utmost sympathy. However, we must remember that nothing we can do can make them use coke and nothing we can do can make them stop. It’s all on them. Whether we stick around to support them or not is our decision. I’m making that decision based on how it is affecting me and whether staying is doing any good. I’m really unhappy and sticking it out isn’t helping either of us so I feel it’s time to leave.
Also sorry for rambling but like you I don’t have anyone to talk to about this so once I start I can’t stop!