Hi Bluestar
It’s so hard isn’t it when you love and care for someone and then they suddenly push you out, especially if it’s without warning.
We did regain contact. I tried in many different ways to ask to meet face to face so I could finally put things to rest in my head. He wouldn’t meet, he truly believed he had ended things in a good way and the two times we met in the immediacy of the ending of the relationship he had laid the blame of the relationship ending on his shoulders. Therefore there was no more to discuss in his eyes. However, that was not my reality and his words and actions to me on those occasions were painful and traumatic. Hence me wanting to lay that ghost to bed when the dust had settled.
Anyway our regained communication put us in an amicable space with each other. 9 months on he is living with someone, and engaged to someone at least 20 years his junior. However he wanted me to take the blame when she noticed an innocuous text a message from me to him. That’s then when I realised his morals were of self preservation and saving face in front of others. Now I’ve got closure, and can see how cocaine (he’s says he’s stopped taking) can alter realities and place blame on others shoulders because it’s easier to project their feelings onto others than taking and accepting self responsibility.
Hard as it’s been, that door is now shut for me and my friends have all said I’m better away from it all. All I know is I had to do what I needed to do to get it out my system and get closure and now it’s done I feel lighter, and able to see positive things ahead of me.
It’s so challenging to keep ourselves in check, what I do remind myself though is I cared and loved them, I never took drugs so I had clarity and a true sense of my feelings and their choices have been made because that’s what they want.
I hope you can find your own way too. X