I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, you’re not going mad & the situation isn’t in your head – although your boyfriend will go out of his was to make you feel like you’re the problem. You sound like you’ve got a really good understanding of things & you’ve taken your time to learn about & understand the behaviour/patterns. Your boyfriend is an addict. And by the way you’re describing the situation he’s got no intention of admitting there is a problem or will be willing to change his behaviour any time soon. If he is not even prepared to discuss it & makes you feel like you’re the issue when you try to address things so you simply don’t just for a quiet life then he’s manipulating you & it’s working (and he probably beloved that himself at this stage as that’s what the drug will be telling him) An addict can make you feel like you’re losing your mind – will have you questioning your own reality & it’s an awful thing to be put through. The lies, the deceit, the manipulation, the gaslighting – I ended up on anti-depressants myself after coming out of a relationship with an addict because he smashed my mental health to pieces. He blamed all his odd behaviour on me to the outside world making out I was abusive at home & he had an awful home life (nothing could have been further from the truth!!!) but it bought him almost a year on cocaine before I and others started to cotton on. I unearthed thousands of debt, sex workers, the list goes on, it was absolutely horrific. My advice to you – get out. Leave. Run as fast as you can or you’ll be stuck on a merry go round of hell for years. Read some of the stories on here – is that the life & the future you want for yourself? It gets worse before it gets better – IF it ever gets better.
Sorry if I sound negative but that’s my experience of the drug & what it does to people & as much as you love them – you have to love yourself more & do what is best for YOU. No one deserves to be treated the way an addict treats you, it’s mental torture & at the end of the day – only they can get themselves out of the mess they have created, no a lot of love in the world from someone else can fix them. Hope you’re okay & always happy to talk if you need to x
