Hi
I completely understand you and can relate to your story and i am reaching out to let you know, you are not alone. Please if need reach out to your loved ones and friends for your own mental health and well being. The support the will give you is overwhelming.
I am so glad I have found this website and this forum. I two have been going through a very similar situation, however my partner has become addicted and dependant on cociane. We met when we was mid teens we are now early 30s and been through a hell of alot together including parent bereavement, misscarriage and me being critically poorly when I was pregnant resulting our daugter being born prem.
I found out about the cociane over a year ago and he told me he did have a problem so i sent him to his mums, i sought him some help from our local drug and alcohol service which he seemed happy to recieve. Life carried on. Since then he has told me lies, got himself in debt, become a isolated person, lost contact with friends, lost tons of weight. When he first sought help he didnt fully open up, so continued to use which i later found out. I stood by him to get him more professional help from our local D&A service, he seemed a little better. However my trust has been shattered but desperately wanted to keep our family together, my daughter loves her dad, naturally he is an amazing dad, and somewhere deep down i still love him. However over the weekend he had a nervous breakdown and admitted he was still using. I knew then i had to leave. I have put all my energy and more in helping him and standing by him but this time i had to leave and it was time to put myself. I went to my brothers and i told my family everything and my god the relief i felt from hiding this torture and pain for all this time. My brother immediately went to see my parnter and found him in crisis. My brother took him to his mums they tokd her everything and she realised he needed an intervention. On monday he went to a residential rehab. Telling my family and closest friends was so difficult and although i still feel a broken mess the support they are giving myself and our daughter is amazing, overwhelming in some sense.
I am currently suffering from anxiety i can not sleep, i am trying to hold everything together for my daughter who is 3 btw. Although i am trying my best to put myself first i am still so worried about him. My whole world has been turned upside down. I know i can not rebuild my relationship with my partner has too much hurt, deceit and mistrust has happened however i am hoping he is finally recieveing the right level of helo for the sake of himself and his daughter and if he can i will support him as her dad. However i am absolutely broken and devastated that our lives have come to this. I feel like i am grieving.
Please please reach out for your own support whether it be a friend a charity or myself.
Big hugs