Thank you for your advice and thoughts.
I have tried and continue to try to help my husband at times to my detriment.
We know what triggers his mental health and we are working on those things, nothing that can be changed overnight unfortunately. I have helped him seek help from his GP, he has had counselling, tried different medications. Believe me I have stood by him consistently facing years of verbal abuse and attempting to manage the effects on my own mental health whilst caring for family members and suffering a bereavement. I don’t think there is anything else I could do for him. I ask him if there is and he often tells me what I can do to help him.
I cannot force him to seek any particular treatment. His current GP seems good, much better than the last and they have built up a good rapport.
Should things follow the same path as they did in his life previously, I cannot afford to get him into rehab and mentally I don’t think I can cope.
I do remember my vows but he has lied and kept this information from me. I know being with someone who used drugs was not something I wanted or could deal with which is why I made it clear at the beginning of our relationship. How do I help him and take care of myself at the same time. He has broken my trust and I now question where he is, what he’s doing etc. (not to him, just in my head) but it will in time affect our relationship. I haven’t forgotten the good in him. I’m just at a loss. I don’t want to hurt him or make things harder for him but I deserve love and care too