Hi Vivian
I am in a similar boat. I too haven’t left .. I did leave 4 yrs ago and he seemed to get his shit together for a bit so we got back together and after a few months it was a slow decline back to old ways to point where now it was as bad as back then…this time he says he really has changed…it’s early days and we’ve been here many times before. something does feel different this time… I’ve mentally prepared myself and will go to seek help/shelter from relatives for a bit as I need to break away if he goes down that path again ..I keep saying if as I feel I need to have some tiny grain of hope for him… I do believe he genuinely wants to change …he’s admitted he’s an addict and can’t stop without help…he’s started joining meetings on line and counting his days clean… Its hard he still has mood swings…and huge debt worries.. but let’s see… I just know I can’t go through it ever again ..my lowest point was two weeks ago which impacted my own mental health and safety. I’ve now promised myself he ever crossed that line again and I’m out and I can honestly say I’ve done everything I possible can to support him
All the while we stand by them and they use , our own needs are ignored. We only have one life , do we really want to see it pass by in their misery . Don’t ever feel guilty for putting yourself first including walking away