Hi Vivian
Gosh, we all seem to be living the same miserable lives. It’s horrendous isn’t it? I’ve threatened to leave so many times and he then says all the right things, promises to change and admits he needs help. Once I’ve agreed to try again it isn’t long before he slips back into his old way…. its a matter of days. I put up with his moods and bite my tongue thinking he’s getting out of his system and it will get better, but within about 2 days he is in suspiciously good form. I suspect he’s having small amount at this stage so it isn’t completely obvious. If I ask him about I’m the problem and driving him to it. Then days later he’s back to being off his face and the whole cycle starts again. Except, each time I care less and less about him and what he is doing to himself and I care more about what it’s doing to me. I therefore think its just a matter of time before I simply don’t love him any more and leaving will be easier.
Reading all these posts where people have gone through this for years makes me so sad and the thought of this being my future just terrifies me. I can see his mental health declining all the time and I dread to think how he will end up.
If you feel its time to leave, please don’t feel guilty. You have to think of yourself and as you said it may even help him face up to things once he has to properly deal with the consequences of his addiction.
Take care x