I know I need to leave. I honestly can’t explain why I don’t. I bring the subject up and by the end of the conversation I’m not even sure what I was trying to say. I end up feeling like I’m being unreasonable because he says I am not being patient or understanding enough. He also draws comparisons between coke and me taking anti-depressants. He said we both manage our mood in different ways, I just think my way is ok because it is prescribed. I was speechless. How is this the same thing? I’m not spending thousands of pounds on anti-depressants. It doesn’t change my character. It helps level my mood not send it spiralling. It helps my sleep, not disrupt it. I just felt like such an idiot by the end of the conversation. He told me he had done a week of minimal use and I stupidly got my hopes up. Then I arrive at his house and I see his dealer pull up outside his house and him run out to get his drugs. He had text me about 20 minutes before saying don’t rush over as he was still working. But that was obviously a lie. He just wanted to collect and take some drugs before I arrived. And like an absolute mug, I didn’t even say anything. I just pretended I hadn’t seen this happen because I didn’t want to upset him and have to deal with an argument about it. I am so frustrated, mainly with myself for putting up with this.
