Hi Vivian .
I feel your pain . Ive also been in this situation , I still am in some respects but after nearly two years of hoping and trying to fix him I called it quits . I have two little ones to look after and I no longer could deal with spinning all these plates. My OH has never really made an attempt to quit , maybe once before he sought professional help and he only did that I believe because that what me and his family were hoping would help because we are all of ideas. I too have lived with “the ghost”, finances have come crashing down , he shows no emotion to things he once did , he’s detached from real life .
I know how hard it is the think about walking away , I feel it’s like a grieving process there’s different stages , I too have mourned our past life – like you lovely holidays we experienced, adventures and just genuine togetherness.. but he has slowly undone all of this . He left the family home a number of months ago now and has completely gone off the rails with the using and running debts up . I know that I cannot allow myself or my children to be put through anymore of this chaos even though a piece of me longs to have my old best friend back .. but he isn’t ready to be helped yet and I can’t change that and I’ve so so tried since the day I found out . It’s so sad – I’m frightened for him – but as harsh as it is I hope that us leaving will ultimately lead him into addressing his addiction and one day daddy will be back for his children .
I had to put it to myself like this , I’ve done a couple of years of this and can I see myself here in another couple ?…. Bottom line No . My mental health won’t stand it , I need to function again and be a full devoted mummy again and my husband won’t change whilst everything and everyone remains in place .
Wishing you luck and hugs with your decision , it’s tough and hard ride ( mines no where near at an end yet ) but it’s the biggest “ self care” decision you will ever make, be brave it’s going to be ok xx