Hi,
I’ve never done this before but I really am at a loss of what to do. After reading everyone’s raw and honest accounts of their experience with cocaine. I thought someone might be able to help me.
So I’ve been with my partner for 12 years. He’s always been very up and down. Several periods of drinking, contacting women and low mood. Then it blows up and I’m upset and he’s almost relieved and very sorry. This cycle has been going on for at least 8 years. We have seen couple counsellors on and off and he’s seen counsellors. Then over a year ago I found messages on his phone that he had arranged to see and go to a prostitutes flat while me and my two sons slept at home he got a taxi there. He was also on cocaine and said this is why he did it. But I saw messages that he never went through with it as he had gone in but had too much drugs so left and then asked to go back in for a massage. This obviously caused a lot of upset. I remained to keep going because I wanted it to work I wanted our family to stay together. Plus he said it was the stress of our business and my oldest son had just been diagnosed with ADHD and various other conditions and my dad had been diagnosed with cancer. So I wanted it to work.
Last September I felt his mood had dropped more and he was heading for a ‘car crash’ I tried to get him to see a couples counsellor with me but he wouldn’t. Then his mood started changing, very up and down, shouting angry at me and the kids. I got him to talk to the GP she gave him antidepressants and said he was depressed he took two tablets then stopped. He said he didn’t need them.
His mood was getting worse, he kept disappearing, lying about where he was and by April the next year I was desperate for things to change. I then found out in June by a delivery of his that I opened they were plastic little bags. I confronted him and he told me he had been doing cocaine, he had sent 40k from our savings in his account on it and he was doing 10 grams 3 times a week. He promised me he would stop. He said he wasn’t addicted. I then found out he had been texting escorts off his phone. He said he hadn’t seen them or had sex just looking through and saving their number in his phone. He refuses to let me see his phone records or bank balance.
I stopped sleeping with him because of this and slept in a separate room. He says that I’m cold towards him which makes him want to use more. He has missed his own appointments for a ADHD assessment which I arranged. He did go to one rehab outpatient meeting and then left and met his dealer and went to his parents when they were on holiday and did drugs all night. Our business is going down the pan because he can’t keep up with anything and I found out he lent money to a drug dealer!! He admitted to me he is now spending £1,000 a week on cocaine but he’s not addicted he keeps saying. He says it’s because of our relationship and my sons behaviour. He’s not seeing his friends and this has been going on now for 11 months.
Yesterday he had chronic chest pain and couldn’t get out of bed. He wouldn’t let me phone an ambulance or GP. I phoned a rehab place for advice and the man reported that the amount he is doing he’s surprised he’s still alive. I got the man to talk to him about rehab but he refused and put the phone down. He got really angry and blamed me for everything. He then passed out and slept all day and night. I was so worried I went to his parents while the kids were at school and told them everything.
I’ve asked if he can stay there for a while. I told him I spoke to them and we want to help him. He got angry and left saying I want him to fail and I’ve sold him down the river. He’s now gone off somewhere.
All my family are in a different part of the country and I’m seriously considering selling the house and moving me and the kids there to have some peace and support. But is that selfish. I don’t want to stop him seeing the kids. I don’t want to make it worse or him use drugs more because of me. But I’m concerned staying here like this I am going to get ill and my children won’t have the up bringing that I want them to have.
When he’s angry he blames me for everything and says I want him to use it and I think I’m better than him. I’m worried I have caused this somehow. Help any advice I would be so grateful.
My family don’t know so I don’t want to let them down either.
Thanks for reading this- sorry it’s so long x