Hi JamesB
Good to hear from you. You’re right, addicts aren’t bad people, there’s a great person inside just wanting to break free from the shackles of their addiction of choice. You mention Xmas being a difficult time, I am by no means underplaying your struggle when I say what I’m going to say. This is the first Xmas I am genuinely excited for as I feel liberated. I am no longer thinking of the days between Xmas and New Years as a week to get off my face. It will be a time to cherish, admire and be grateful for all that I have.
I guess my change has been about embracing a new way of life and carrying no baggage of what life used to be like. I don’t recognise how I could ever go back there (you always have to take one day at a time however to keep yourself in check). Don’t get me wrong, just because I say I don’t recognise it does it mean it isn’t still there, the scars of yday prepare me for a better tomorrow. If I carried on the way I was going this would have truly been utterly devestating with no end game but the inevitable (alone, depressed and potentially death) to occur.
All of the above has been due to a complete change in my DNA.What are my guiding principles and values – what line (pardon the pun) cannot be crossed? What do I stand for in this world? Do I portray the best version of myself? If not then what I can do to change this?
Where we take a slightly different view is there’s only so much love and support you can provide. Addicts have to suffer the consequences of their selfish actions. They maybe ill but they cannot hide behind this forever. There comes a point where Tough Love has to come into its own. I see so many seemingly loving individuals on this site who just want their partner back. This breaks my heart. But no, the addict continously numbs their emotions rather than facing the world. Once it starts to take its toll on innocent individuals who didn’t sign up for the long term struggle is where I lose a certain degree of compassion for the addict. My wife put up with it for far too long. My kids weren’t really directly effected as I still functioned but they weren’t getting the best of me.
Addicts are given chance after chance yet they fall back because inbetween periods of them being clean they still can’t work on themselves. With each chance the mental degradation of the loved one is increased as it’s filled with hope, fear and a known unknown. If you don’t work on yourself the perils of addiction will get you. It all comes down to how much do you want it?
As addicts JamesB we’d have done all the inconceivable things known to man out of our own selfishness. We have to take responsibility for this and decide if this is what we want to do continously or are we better than this?
Love bro