Hi guys
ive read your previous posts and even told my partner about you both. We are struggling as a family, my partner for years has been drinking 3-4 times a week until the early hours and it’s only been the last few months I have discovered taking coke during that time too, I always wondered how he doesn’t pass out on these sessions he has when we are all in bed and he stays up on his own, anyway, I found my answer when I went through his things one day and found empty bags and even his actual stash hidden somewhere that I needed step ladders for. So long story short and lots of incidents later, since then he has opened up and said for years he’s been spending around 200 a month on coke, I would say match that with booze too… (he denied this conversation took place a few days after, typical of the odd behaviour I’m dealing with) he does have a good job and has been managing like this prior to me meeting him. He sees a counsellor now, private as didn’t want the NHS having record of this, hes lost his driver’s licence due to failing to provide already and sometimes I hear him on the phone to work after a sesh and it makes me cringe as its just so obvious sometimes. Lately he has been much better (this past month) maybe a sesh once, twice a week in the week sometimes, he is the boss so manages his own diary and can spend a full day hungover doing bare minimum. Just to add we have two small children, well 9month old and 9 year old. The 9 year old has witnessed some awful arguments and even where it’s got physical. I’ve been supporting him but found his stash again last night before our anniversary meal. That ruined the night again, he told me he didn’t know it was there, anyway ive told him I want a break. I just want honesty!! If that wasn’t there we would be so happy. I struggle to let go of the past too, I mean his eyes say it all sometimes and he’s done some awful things for example turned up to the hospital the day after our son was born and because I was induced and our baby was smaller than average I had to stay over night. He turned up bloodshot eyes and bags and fell asleep on my bed in the hospital , even though I felt like I’d been hit by a train I had to try and get comfortable on there somehow. Many story’s like this…. I just can’t let go. I have been speaking to a lady from the Icarus project, I thought this might help me let go, so far it’s not helping now he’s admitted everything and trying I’m taking the opportunity to tell him exactly what he’s put me through and I think I’m punishing him too much. I need to let go!!