Although you feel like this please be aware of how amazing you are too. You realise you have a problem and you also want to try your hardest to address it.
I’m sure this is the first step to your road to recovery. So well done don’t beat yourself up too much.
I can’t help with much advice as I have a cocaine addict sibling and my partner is a crack addict. Both don’t see they have a problem.
good luck x