Hi, if only.
Reading your story makes me sad. I feel that , that’s really bad. It seems you been barely surviving and once you get through something you got another thing to worry about. 22 years is a long time , his body probably needs it to just be normal by this time.
As sad as this sounds and it will sound horrible but I would have much preferred to have been with an addict who didn’t cheat.
You are right that he is choosing doing cocaine over you every single time he uses. I’m sure in his eyes he things it’s just a way to survive. His mind no longer is able to make decisions from all the years of cocaine abuse. I feel for you I really do. I couldn’t imagine being in your position. You are strong person!
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Yes , we have spoken about it but honestly he has so many versions of what happened that I can’t trust what he says anymore. One minute he is saying he did this and this is why and the next he is saying something different and by the end of it , he says it’s a blurr to me but then he says I can remember what I did. To me that’s not someone who is ever going to take responsibility for what they did. He says he cheated because they made him feel good so after the drugs that part doesn’t go away, any person can say something to him and he would just run off to cheat. To me I feel that you can’t repair that? Also , he says with the massages that he liked them and the variety of the women he got so to me that is also a sign that it can happen he can go into those massage places anytime. I think being cheated on is something you can’t forgive it’s different than having someone be an addict. Drugs don’t make someone cheat and your husband is proof of that , I just feel stuck right now and I have also isolated from family and friends. I feel unhappy with this life. He is a constant reminder of why I can’t move forward. I feel I’m on the verge of just leaving this man.
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thank you for replying to me. I hope your husband does become sober for you. I hope he finds it in himself to do so before it is too late. Wishing you happiness.