Im sorry you aren’t sleeping I know how horrible it is and am using this forum as a get it off my chest to try and get to sleep myself.
Not while my husband was doing drugs but before I had children I suffered several miscarriages so know how lonely and horrible they make you feel and hope you get or have had support around this.
I have written on another post re the addiction but this is more about after which I too am struggling with. Does your husband let you talk about how you feel or have you had to pretend it never happened?
I had a few weeks after my husband came back from rehab that were so lovely but then we’d have a cross word and a whole load of abuse would get hurled at me, I’m not aloud to mention the drug taking but know it contributed to our relationship problems (even though he says our relationship caused the drug taking) I can cope with that as know it’s not true, but what I struggle with is him blaming me for affecting his relationship with his children, I’m very close to his children, the older ones saw him on coke in a paranoid state so many times and his son had to drag him off me while he was on top of me checking me for drugs he thought I’d hidden (he denied taking coke and thought I was drugging him) his son is now staying with family, he stayed for the weekend to give us a break so we could have a nice weekend together (that never happened as husband left) and stayed a couple of extra days rather then return home, I’m getting the blame for this as I’m such a horrible nasty person who makes it hell to live here, I know I’m not as the kids all come out of there rooms when he’s out but squirrel away when he’s in, I can’t say to much to him as worried he’ll start using again so can’t stick up for myself. I’m very close to leaving as literally can’t do anything right. He left his phone open on the side and a reply pinged up saying my baby, he had sent a selfie to a lady he met in rehab, I did say who the f is she but rather then explaining or apologising he left, 2 days he acted like nothing happened and I didn’t want to row in front of the kids, I did say I wasn’t ok with it and deserved an explanation, he said nothing happened but then went to “work” but never went, he rung me in the evening to say he gone to counselling (it’s a few hours drive) and he would not come home till I had counselling, as I’m the problem and make him use as I’m so argumentative, he then stayed with family for the whole weekend and I sat and cried while he had a lovely time. I don’t think I’m out of order being upset by what I saw, and have mentioned it to someone who said she’d have gone mad as it’s not ok to do that, I just don’t know what to do anymore x