Hi Guys,
We are on holiday at the moment and I’ve been wanting to use this time to have some open chats with him about the addiction, just 20 minute a day whilst we don’t have work / day to say life getting in the way and basically don’t have any excuse to shy away from it.
He told me yesterday he thinks it started in 2018 which I must admit is longer than I expected, however as my question was ‘when did it take control of you?’ In the same breath he told me he thinks he is in control of it. Which causes two reactions (1) total anger (2) sends me back into this feeling of, am I over exaggerating the whole thing? – I know rationally though the answer to nr 2 is that I’m not.
He’s promised he is going to start telling me when he has the urge to take it and stop lying about it but I can’t believe him as I’ve had years of lies (even longer than I’d realised) and I’m so angry, I feel like @bythesea21 and can’t help but think I’m just becoming so resentful of the situation, can it ever really work? @bythesea21 have you started to see an improvement to the relationship? If he’s been off it since August and you’re still feeling this way what is making you dread leaving – is the task of breaking up your life together or actually losing him… both are hard but the second is the only reason I think I could justify staying (though I know im contradicting myself saying this to you!! So easily said, much harder to do). Alternatively, maybe you could try couples therapy as a last chance to reconnect and build the trust back up? You’re not pathetic for wanting to stay, at the end of the day, we could never have imagined we would need to contest with this as one of the challenges in our relationship – talk about a bloody steep learning curve! Make sure you’re looking after yourself, and be selfish day to day – what makes you happy? make sure you keep joy in your life and don’t let him consume you.
@fayzey, how is your relationship now? Thanks for being honest about what you would have done looking back – it’s useful to hear people’s honest opinions. I’ve started asking myself hard questions and at the moment the honest truth is i don’t want kids because I don’t want them with him.. which is strange to say as 2 months ago I was feeling so broody and thinking about getting pregnant and the next stage of our life. I feel like I’m in a lose lose situation as if we have kids I’m 80% sure I’d be saying what you have about looking back and walking away but if I don’t, I’m just going to resent him forever for taking that opportunity away from me. I know I’m putting to much responsibility on him by saying that as I can leave tomorrow if I so choose but he married me, selling a lie and that’s not fair… emotions are all over the place, going back and forth constantly!!
It has taken me by surprise at how much I can relate to others on here and although it’s crappy for it to need to exist Let’s keep talking and support each other through all this rubbish. X