Hi Jenna, I feel somewhat the same as you regarding the kids. Not exactly broody but more recently I have been thinking I might want children but realising probably not with my husband. I know in my mind it isn’t a good idea. So I guess because I’m not sure if I want them or not I’m happy enough to stay for now. Things have gotten better in some senses but I am constantly haunted with the feeling of betrayal. I am so annoyed that I am even in this position. Let’s just say I ignored red flags from the relationship early on and now kicking myself that we are married and I’m stuck in this mess. When it all came out I wondered if this was a sign for me to leave. The problem I have is that he is so loving to me, is everything else I would want in a partner but the addiction and other lies before that have just made me lose more and more attraction towards him. We have been together 15 years so I guess it’s just familiarly keeping us together now. Although he tells me he loves me and wants us to work through this but I keep pushing him away. Honestly I don’t think I can get over it. I have been doing some things to keep me busy lately and that’s great but always in the back of my mind is this situation so it never goes away. I’m already an overthinker so it’s the worst thing to happen to me. Atm I’m just so miserable, if I stay I have to put up with his lies (honestly I feel like a fool) and if I go my whole life will change and I’m stuck with the decision.
Also you definitely aren’t overreacting and you have the right to be angry. It’s horrible to realise someone has kept something from you. For me, he knew that my friends husband was taking it behind her back, told me about it but really he was doing the same to me all along! The deceit is overbearing at times and the lies about the money. How did you find out about his usage? I would say with over time we could get over this but I hate this feeling of not being able to trust someone. I hope you are still having a lovely time on holiday and are relaxing!