I don’t think we’ll ever understand the feeling as we’re not addicts. I’ve read books on addiction and tried to research as much as I could to help him (both 4 years ago when we first met and again from last year) but I’ll never really understand.
He’s living at his mum’s nearby and still comes round for the dog everyday. We’ve had dinner together and been for walks but I’m taking it all really slowly. Probably for his sake as well as mines as I’m still so angry and I have a lot of questions so it can be a bit emotionally exhausting for both of us. I don’t know what’ll happen and probably won’t for a long time, but I’m taking that time as I need it and I’m not going to be pressured into rushing the decision. I think I’ve reached the end of my tether (finally lol).
He’s never gonna get help if he doesn’t realise he has a problem. And it’s not up to you to guide him, the thought of losing you because he can’t stop should be enough of a guide (though I know an addicts mind is probably telling him otherwise but he’ll see it eventually).
It’s so hard to know what’s best to do but make sure you’re taking good care of yourself. I can’t even say when you’ll have had enough as I thought I’d had enough when I split with mines in 2018 – I said I’d never go back to that. But then he recovered and changed and we were great for 3 happy years – but somehow I’m back in the same position as his addiction reared its head again. And with our new house it’s so much harder to run away, plus I know mines can recover and he did do it before but then for how long? Definitely try to focus on you, try to find things that make you happy and put yourself first.
I’ve droned on here as the venting can feel quite good at times like this! x