Hey,
I related a lot to this. I had very similar experiences with my mum, only she never even got to the point of getting care, as she kept refusing it, with social services saying it’s a “lifestyle choice” as the reason to do literally nothing.
I would record any conversation you have with social services. Seriously. It is appalling that they told you to go and get drunk as an outlet to stress when you are caring for someone with Korsakoff. Utterly bizarre, and cognitive dissonance at its finest.
The reason why I suggest this is because it is likely that you will need to put in a complaint about their overall conduct throughout your time as a carer and you need evidence of their incompetence. Self neglect in social services is a HUGE no go for workers. They will use it to evade responsibility, this is partially because they don’t have much support in escalating concerns. If people have “capacity” to slowly and painfully kill themselves through addiction, SW will use it. It is likely that this is why they keep repeating assessments.
Self neglect in older adults is also a sign of suicidal behaviour. You could bring this up to social work, as it may prompt them to do more. If not, you have evidence that you’re concerned about her self neglect and that they chose to do nothing. https://www.iriss.org.uk/resources/insights/suicide-thoughts-and-behaviour-later-life
I’m not sure if it’ll be the same with you, but when I looked at my mum’s council’s adult safeguarding reviews, that they publish online, alcohol, older age, ignoring family members and self neglect are repeated failures that they do not seem to learn from. I would check yours to see if this is the case.
Overall, they shouldn’t be using “alcoholic” language. They’re professionals and would’ve been told to adopt “alcohol disorder/ alcohol use disorder”. They have a duty of care to help your aunt, and failing that, help you. “What do you want us to do?” How about “try?” They are failing in their duty of care because your aunt is probably seen as difficult, and the capacity system is set up for things such as severe mental disorders and dementia, not really addiction. You deserve better. Your aunt deserves better.
And I totally believe you that your aunt makes stuff up to make them go away. My mum did this and I was never believed. But I believe you. What a terrible day you’ve had, and I’m sorry this is happening to you. But you’re doing the right thing in trying to be the best support you can, even though it is incredibly difficult sometimes.